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Don't Be a Doormat!

Life coach Martha Beck says that every woman in the country is socialized to act like a doormat. It doesn't have to be that way!

Checklist:Are you are a doormat?

Quick Tips
Martha says that there is a way to learn to say "No," and that even the biggest doormat can change her ways. Here's her advice to cure the disease to please.

Find Time for Yourself
Schedule time away from your job, your partner and your children. Use this opportunity to tune in to what you want and need. Don't feel that you're being selfish; you have a responsibility to yourself to take care of your needs.

Buy Time
The next time you're asked to do something, don't answer right away. Say, "Let me think about it," or "I have to take care of something right now. I'll call you back and let you know." This will give you time to evaluate the situation and decide if it's something you truly want to do. 

• How to set personal boundaries.

Practice Saying "No"
For many women, saying "No" doesn't come naturally. But practice makes perfect, so start now! In choosing your responses, remember the K.I.S.S. principle: Keep It Short and Simple. You can try it in the mirror, or even walk around the house saying it. Get used to hearing yourself say the word, and then you'll be ready to use it with other people!

Checklist: Are You a Doormat?

Martha Beck has put together a checklist for you to determine where you rank on the "doormat" scale.

Do the following statements pertain to you? Answer true or false.

1. I lie about my feelings if the truth might upset someone.

2. I want people to sense it when I've hit my limit, without my having to say anything.

3. I go blank when asked what I want, like, or think.

4. My "to do" list includes things I don't have to do, and things I don't want to do.

5. I eat, cry, smoke, or drink when I'm angry.

6. I sometimes feel quite drained; I explode at my loved ones and then feel terrible about it.

7. I feel panicky about the thought of someone disliking or disapproving of me.

8. I feel virtuous when I override my own needs or wishes to please others.

9. I feel resentful while doing things for other people.

10. I complain about other people's needs and demands when they aren't present.

If you answered true to one of these statements, you need to work on that particular action and reaction.

If you answered true to four or more of these statements, you are definitely a "doormat." You need to work on saying "No"!

 

Sunny's Tip:

여러분들 잘 아시겠어요? 원래 doormat은 집이나 건물의 현관에서 신발의 먼지를 닦거나 문지르는 발닦기 입니다. 하지만 여기서 말하는 doormat이란 본인의 의견없이 다른 사람들에게 좌지우지 되고, 본인의 감정과 행복을 희생하는것이 다른사람을 배려하는것이라 생각하는 사람들을 말합니다. 특히 여성들은 남성에 비하여 거절을 잘 하지 못하고 무조건 참고 의견을 내지 않는것이 미덕이라고 생각하는 경향이 있다고 합니다.

 

If you say that someone is a doormat, you are criticizing them because they let other people treat them badly and do not complain or defend themselves when they are being treated unfairly.

 

Ex: If you always give in to others you will end up feeling like a doormat.

 

- 오프라 윈프리 "Relations 의 자기개발 편"에서